Create a Support System That Works
Your support group.
Whatever you call it, we all need them. We can’t do this alone.
We need this group of people. It’s time to create a support system that works.
Through years of coaching, I have always come back to the importance of support with all of my clients. The number one mistake, though, I see happen all the time is relying on one or two people for support rather than a tribe. Usually, we’ll start to chat about support and I’ll hear, “oh yeah, my husband is my support…” or best friend, or sister. Fantastic. Those people are important to have in our lives, no doubt. But we can’t expect them to be able to provide every important element of support.
That’s where we start talking about our A-team, or Tribe. It is the group of people we lean on to support us along the journey- whatever journey that may be.
To create your unofficial/official support group, you first need to start with identifying the roles certain people in your life hold. The worksheet below will help walk you through the roles that I’ll describe here as well.
- Find your mentor. Someone who has been on the journey you are on now. Maybe they too are a Mom, but past the toddler stage (and look! They survived.) Or perhaps they’ve had a successful weight loss journey, or quit smoking, or started a business. Finding a person who has walked a similar path before you is important on so many levels. Their advice can be priceless; not to mention, the faith they can provide that you’ll survive this too… incredibly inspiring.
- Find the person who gives you the tough love. I am willing to bet that as you read that last line, you immediately thought of someone. They are your truth-teller. The one who gives it to you straight and rarely sugarcoats. They are definitely not the one who will tell you what you want to hear, but they will tell you what you need to hear. This person will not coddle you, and will not let you be less than your best.
- Find the light-hearted one. This person makes you laugh when you need some kind of distraction- when you just need to lighten up. They don’t take anything too seriously, and really can help you not take yourself too seriously.
- Find the sounding board. The listener. This person can hold space for you- without judgement and without jumping into “fix-it” mode. They can give you the ear and room to verbalize, and untangle, what’s on your mind.
- Find your comfort. This person heals you like no other. Perhaps they coddle. Maybe they soothe you. But this is the person you can come to and cry, scream, yell or breakdown and all they will want for you is comfort.
It may be possible, as you read through this list, that you are thinking of one person who is all of this to you. If so, that’s great. I will still recommend that you find multiple people to fill this tribe, though. To rely on one person for all of your support can be overwhelming to your person. Diversifying where you receive what you need along the way, will increase your chances of success.
Take some time to think through this and see who is in your tribe. You may have multiple people in each of the roles- great! How lucky you are to have so many resources. You may have someone who fits more than one… try to pick the one they serve you best in.
Remember, we cannot, and should not, do this alone. Create a support system, your people, your tribe and together you can do anything.
Use this worksheet to brainstorm and then identify your support system. Put it somewhere you can see it to remind you that different days, needs, emotions, challenges, call for different interaction and support. Find the person who can help you now.